"Then we noticed they were only in hours that fell between 7am-3pm local time, Monday-Friday. Colonels are calling asking wtf is up, teams are dispatched to check the sensors, no one could give an answer." "No one could figure out why, and we normally have near 100% uptime. A few times a week for a few hours, an entire region of a specific network would go down and we'd just go kinda dark for a bit on that platform." " I used to be sort of a sysadmin for remote signals intelligence sensors for the Army. I don't know to this day if he was messing with me, but I'm pretty sure I just told him to Google it. I think he's messing with me and just answer "masturbation." He asks what that is, and if his mom can help him. I explain to him, professionally, that he should ejaculate into the cup we provided. We tell him to go home and bring us back a sample.